I have been Tagged :)

1. What is your current obsession?

Coloured net stockings, Tiny shorts(Lets wear them while the legs are waxed), Starry prints, Long silver chains, Dhoti Pants, whacko earrings and Black tea.


2. What are you wearing today?

Dark Blue Skinny jeans, Black Spagetti with Blue Print and golden polka dots, Rusted hoops and Purple and Golden Chappals.


3. What’s for dinner/lunch?

Kulcha :D


4. What’s the last thing you bought?

Long grey Racer back so I can wear it with coloured leggings.



5. What are you listening to right now?

Hole Hole se hava chalti Hai :( Boo Hoo People in my office have terrible taste in music.



6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

I think she's awesome and we'll totally get along if we ever meet.



7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

London? Paris? New York? *sigh* I don't know. May be after I travel half the World I'll be able to tell you.



8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

Sundresses, Cotton skirts, Tiny Colourful Shorts and floral FlipFlops :)



9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Paris here I come, baby!




10. Which language do you want to learn?

Spanish, Urdu and Sindhi(more than what I already know)



11. What’s your favourite quote?

I dunno :s Eat today, diet tomorrow?



12. Who do you want to meet right now?

Rajaaaaaaat Kapooooor



13. What is your favourite colour?

Pink. But I have been cheating on it with purple and green lately.



14. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.


Sit below the fan for nice bouncy hai (when they are wet that is :P)
Use liquid liner. Kajal smudges and makes me look like a ghost.
Always have a pair of plain black tees. they go with all the funky coloured bottoms.


15. What is your dream job?

Well for one I want to write(like you didn't know that already :P) but I also want to be a staaaalasssssssst. Stylist I mean. Imagine making money out of dressing people. Kya Baat hai. Wah Wah :P



16. What’s your favorite magazine?

Vogue :D



17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

You wanna answer that for me? :D
 

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Cream + Grey!! Aaaaa I ahte that colour combination.
And don't get me started on this. Let's reserve this for my next blog post.



19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

Celebs in general i think. they hardly have the creativity to put an outfit together. If it weren't for the stylists and the designers they really wouldn't be lookign this gorgeous.


20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?

Long and bouncy with pretty curls at the bottom.



21. What are you going to do after this?

Go to Candies :)


22. What are your favourite movies?

Uhh I have already put that on my profile incase you haven't noticed.



23. What inspires you?

Creative people. Artistic people. People who believe they can do whatever they and go out there and achieve it.


24. What do your friends call you most commonly?

Well ofcourse there's Karishma and then there is Kim(which I like very much). But the atroious one- Fatty, Kimbo, Kimball (yes Ball), BlondiePoo, and Raja (short for Rajani...losers!)


25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?

Well Coffee is the eternal love of my life. Tea and I are just having a fling.



26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

I rely a lot on chocolate or else I just call up some nice people and make them cheer me up.



27. What makes you go wild?

Wild liek angry wild? Stoopid people! really they make me wonder what is going to happen to this world.



28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

We have Blog Rolls for a reason dumass.




29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

choocolateeeeeee. Khoyaaaaa (Awesomest Sindhi sweet). Jalebi and Rabdi. Jhama's Gulab Jamun. And lastly boys in black shirts :)


30. How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?

Twitter and some work related stuff that I am shamelessly ignoring.



31. Favorite Season?

Winterrr :)



32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

Corn and capsicum in white sauce, Mind you it's very, very yummy :)



33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

Don't give them a chance to. It's only when you think they matter that they start to affect you. Only let the right people matter. Let the others feed on their dung.



34. What are you afraid of the most?

Kuutteeeeee!



35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

How can you be this gorgeous? :P





36. What brings a smile on your face instantly?

Good food, Good people, Free stuff, Pretty things and Sales :)



37. A word that you say a lot?

Omg!

P.S. Thank You Shrey for taggign me :)










P.P.S. here's my list of people who are tagged:



Esha, Rshi, Malpani, Parinita, Henna, Zeba, Himani, Disguise, Sulagna, And whoever else wishes to be tagged.

It's time for Resolutions baby :)

Who cares if I don't keep them (which I very much intend to btw) it gives me a reason to rant, so rant I will :)

1. Be a more positive person and spread the positivity to the less fortunate. When I say less fortunate I mean - Omg! He doesn't love me anymore, My parents never give me enough money, All the problems in the World keep piling up on me, ityadi, ityadi.
2. Be less bitchy. Not that I'm bitchy or anything (snicker and you will die) but I want to be nicer to people, including those I hate and those who dress like absolute losers(yes it is a very important standard by which I judge people. deal with it!)
3. Kiss good-bye to gluttony. *Sigh*
4. Kiss good-bye to Shopaholicism. yes I really did say that and no I am not possesed.
5. Kiss goodbye to lazyness. Like may be a little later.
6. Be more healthy. Go for walks, eat ghaspoos, dry fruits, drink green tea, ityadi, ityadi...
7. Find a sexy boi.
8. Learn to wake up early.
9. Get awesome marks.
10. Look for awesome internships.
11. Basically do a lot of useful things in life so I can tell my kids- hamere time mein toh main sabse phast(first :P) aaya karti thi. Not that I intend to talk to them like that or anything, but it just gives that mamma-ish feel. Know what I mean? :P
12. Apply to some really awesome Unis by the end of this year and say goodbye to Matrubhumi. But don't worry Mumbai, I love you very much and I'll be back someday for good.
13. Read a lot of good books. Know more, crow more.
14. Religiously read newspapers, not one in five days. Be an awesome Journo student.
15. Learn more Belly Dance.
16. Be very spiritual. meditate for atleast 20 minutes everyday.
17. Learn how to read the Osho tarot deck (ThankU E!).
18. Be more artistic.
19. Grow hair and be Rupanzel-like for 2011.
20. Lastly, learn to return library books on time. *Sigh*

So this is it for now.
I think 2010 will be fab.
And at the end of it I'll be okay.
Fab actually.
Happy New Year Losers!
XoXo (yea too much of Gossip Girl these days)

Because I like it here.

You know how you expect your typical first day at work to be, right?

You go home late wondering why you came here in the first place...

If all female bosses intentionally model themselves on Meryl Steep from 'The Devil wears Prada'...

And if work is all about being overworked and underpaid.

But it sort of helps if you're prepared for the worst.

It kind of turns your average first day to a not-so-average first day.

Infact, I left the office feeling -Wow! That wasn't bad at all.

For a while, all I have been doing is, going to college, pretending to take down notes, delaying all my projects, wasting way too much time on the phone, letting Facebook take over my life and hanging out with friends a little more than I should.

And that feeling of guilt....

Well. it had been lingering for a while now.

And then Indiatimes came along.

Ya, I know... not the most exciting place to work, but for beginners, believe me it's fab.

If you get to do something other than serving coffee and xeroxing papers, consider yourself very lucky.

And I am getting to do more than that.

I get to upload articles and actually be a part of my process.

Isn't it wonderful, the feeling that your opinion is actually counted?

Besides, the people also seem very nice.

Who wants to work in an office full of bitchy, condescending people right?

The loos are clean and the coffee is aaamaaazing!

Plus, one of my friends is working in the Zoom office, which is right opposite my office.

So I have nothing to complain about! :)

Ok, not nothing.

I do hate the fact that there are waaaay too many dogs in the compound.

Ah well! That I'm going to have to deal with.

That's all for now Cupcakes!

Merry X'ams and Happy New year!

Secret Santa :)

My friends and I have decided to play this game called Secret Santa this year.
Wondering what this Secret santa is all about?
Let me explain.

You make a chit for each person.
Then everybody picks a chit and automatically becomes a Secret Santa for that person.
And what does Santa do?
Well he picks a present for his little child and then waits until Christmas to give it to him/her.
Sounds exciting?
Well it is!!
I cannot wait to find out who my Secret Santa is !!
I absolutely cannot wait to receive my gift!!
I absolutely, absolutely cannot wait for the 24th!!

Anyway, I've decided to make life easier for Secret Santa and make a list of all the things I want :)
Mind you, Santa this is one LONG list!

1. Well I am having a verrrryyyy Boho phase right now and I'm fascinated by ALL  things Indian and Tribal. So Harem pants, Patialas, Paisley printed pants, Parallels, Chunky jewellery, Jhumkaas, Kadas, Jholas, Kurtas, Belly Chains, Indian chappals, Bindis and anything else you can think of :)
2. Cat-eye Sunglasses (Azaad Bazaar!)
3. Gangis! All the possible colours!
4. Net stockings! Oraaaannnggggeeeeeeeeee!
5. Net socks. Reeeeeeedddddddd! :D
6. Darrrkkkkk Chocolate! Bars and bars of them!
7. Black/Grey cardigan.
8. Indian-ish Diary.
9. Ballerinaaaaaaaaaaas! :D
10. Red or Grey leggings.
11. A long tee to wear with the leggings.
12. Body Mist.
13. Peacock Blue/ Purple eye pencil.
14. Any book that you think I might like. I'm really not fussy.
15. Anything Pink/Purple/Glittery or absolutely colourful :)

So that's about it Santa. For now.
Do come in tomorrow for the Second List :P


Statutory Warning : Buy me a shady gift and die!

New Beginnings.

Remember October Rains? The brand I was going to start. Well my samples are ready, but god knows why I haven't been feeling motivated enough to started marketing it as yet. It's very easy to come up with ideas, buy the cloth and get a tailor to make it for you. But the setting up a business, working on the website, marketing your product, not so easy. Especially, if you barely have anybody helping you.

Just dealing with the creative aspect and letting somebody else sell your product seems so much easier. Infact, I had been thinking about taking my samples to various boutiques and asking them if they were interested in selling my designs. I guess I didn't believe in myself enough to go out there and convince people to do that.

Today I went to Azaad Bazaar for the third time.After a while, the lady at the store casually asked us what sort of things would we like to see at the store. I really like how they want to take that extra effort to make sure all of us find exactly the things we're looking for. So I started telling her the sort of bags I wanted to see, which somehow lead to me giving her a few ideas on what she could possibly do. She seemed to like them and told me it would be so much better if I just execute them myself. She'll be happy to display them in her store with a small percentage for herself, of course. My Reaction? A grin that spread so wide, it almost couldn't spread anymore (*rolls her eyes*).

I love their store so much. It's not like there's much for me to buy, they're really nice people, so you always feel welcome. Plus, they always give us free stuff. Me and freebies, we go a looong way. The first time we went there, they gave us awesome kaju-katri, second time we got 5-stars AND key chains and today I had my first cup of black tea(which I totally loved btw). And now they're willing to sell my stuff if they really like it! I absofuckinglutely love them!

P.S. I'm going to mail some of the stuff now and show them the rest tomorrow. Wish me luck! :)

P.P.S. Here's a picture of the store and some of the stuff they're selling.

What to wear this week.

Elloes my Pumpkin Pies!
It's 2 a.m. in the morning and for some God forsaken reason, sleep seems to have abandoned me. So here I am sitting online, looking for people I can entertain with my random nonsensical rants(mind you, the later you speak to me, the more amusing you will find me), but they too seem to have deserted me. So it's just me and my Cinnamom Sunshine tonight. And since I have nothing of any use to tell you about, I'm going to make a list or lists may be, depending on how bored I am.
List no 1 - What to wear this week.
firstly I'm a very lazy person. I wake up at 10 a.m. for a 10.30 a.m. lecture and manage to move out by 10.45. Shame on me! And in my hurry to eat and bathe and eat some more I barely get a chance to spend time on dressing up (Haha. I can almost hear people who know me too well say - What a friggin Liar!). The point is, I almost feel like I'm in some sort of drunken stupor because my brain refuses to function. Plus, if you've looked at my closet, you'd think it was hit by a tornado. Imagine looking for you favourite pink boat neck tee in that mess. Sounds like a real adventure, no? But if you're already running so late, that you doubt you'll make it for the lecture even after half of it is over, not so much of an adventure ladies (the reason I say ladies is because the gentlemen probably closed this tab a loooooong time ago)! So I have decided to become a more organised person starting today! I'm going to make a list of things I intend to wear this week. That way I wont have to wrack my brains in the morning, plus I can look through that tornado-stricken mess at night itself and find whatever I need for the next day one, in advance (Yeaaa right.).

1. Dark Blue capris + Parrot Green tee + Purple bandhini Dupatta (as a stoal) + Journalist bag + Silver anklets + Colourful Mojris

2. Faded jeans + Scottish Pinafore with Black Puff sleeved tee + denim Converse + Navy Blue/ Black bag + Silver Hoops

3. Brown Pleated Skirt + White Puff Sleeved blouse + Golden Princess Locket + Cream Sequined Purse + Golden Ballerinas

4. Black leggings + Green mini skirt + White tee with black face print + Black and Golden Ballerinas

5. Denim capris + Black vest + Pink polka Dotted Hoodie + Denim Converse + Pink star earrings

6. Navy blue dress + Black cardigan + Pink satin tie ups + Pink Star earrings

7. Black leggings + Long white top with silver embossing + Black cardigan + Black satin flip flops with diamond studs + Silver Hoops + Diamond butterfly pendant


That's all for this week :)
Lots and lots of love <3

Because you are not him.

                                             (The picture is for representational purposes only)

She looked at him and then looked away.
She didn't have the right answer to his question.
"Why do you keep pushing me away?"
That's the only answer he'd ever asked for.
That's the only answer she could never give him.

Everytime a boy made his move, she'd find herself feeling extremely queasy.
She felt the urge to push him away befor he made his way into the forbidden territory.
He doesn't belong here.
That's what she'd tell herself.

She wasn't afraid of letting people in.
And it wasn't love she was afraid of.
It's just that she still loved him too much.
It's funny how time and space changed none of that.

And that boy sitting in front of her...
He was perfect.
He really was.
But there was just one problem.

He was not him.
He was just not him.

Things to do - 2

1. Visit an Astrologer/ Palmist/ Tarot card reader. Sounds a liitle insane. But I'm soooo fascinated by the paranormal. I love giving readings. But what I love even more is getting readings! Plus, I'm such a curious person. A little too eager to know what's going to happen before it actually does. I want to get a rough idea of what 2010 is going to be like for me. That way I can try to prevent the negatives and focus all my energy on the positives. 
2. Launch October Rains! Remember the brand I was going to start. I have the samples and all ready. Ever since I've come back from the IV, I haven't looked into it at all. I have to get the photo shoot done, so I can start marketing asap!
3. IFinish decorating my new room! Buy the curtains and the fancy wall paintings! pronto!
4. Clean my room. It's a been months.
5. Work on the Blitzkrieg magazine. Make it so awesome, that people who despise magazines fall in love with it.

That's all I can think of as of now.
More later <3

It's not over yet.

A few days back I wrote a blog post about all the things I have managed to achieve this year. But what I am forgetting is, the year is not over yet. So while I'm all geared up for 2010 there are things I still need to achieve before 2009 ends. So here's the list:

• Lose weight! I've eaten like a pig during the IV. Consequences- potatoness! Game Plan: Stay away from the dark brown pieces of heaven and learn to rise before 10 am, so I can go for a walk.
• Grow my hair. Well yes I know hair grows on it's own, but this is to remind myself to nourish my hair with almond oil and eat the right kind of food.
• Stop living in Rewind or Fast Forward mode. I feel like I've been holding on to the past and it's perfect moments for too long now. And when I'm not doing that I keep thinking about how perfect my future is going to be. In the bargain I forget to live in the Present. And the truth is, the Present is what matters the most.
• Do my projects really well. I want awesome marks this Semester!
• Read a couple of good books.
• Update my Blog regularly! Very, Very realisable goal. :)

Well that's all for now. Good bye and Bisous <3

I want another TweetUp !

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I love Twitter.
Sounds ironical considering I barely use it.
But if it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know Himani, Zeba, Henna and Nihit.
So I just wanted to say this.
I love you guys and I love Twitter.
And since I didn't get a chance to see you guys this Sunday I miss you very much.
So here's a post about what I miss the most. =(

I miss Himani's hilarious descriptions*read: shapeless boobs) and how she frowns upon the intellectually challenged :D

I miss Henna's happy face just before she's about to tell us something exciting.

I miss Nihit watching finish off sugar, ketchup and all the unrequited stuff that's on the table.
But what I miss more is watching him grumble about EVERYTHING under the sun.

I miss watching Zeba's disgusted face everytime he does that or cracks a perverted joke. I can almost hear her saying- 'How can people be like this? How? '

I don't really miss Esha (I see her pretty face everyday :D).

So let's meet up before the end of this week, ok?

Blitzkrieg, COWS and the Magazine Committee.

For those of you who don't know what Blitzkrieg is, slap yourself 200 times before going further into this post.
Now let me explain. It's a college festival.
Actually calling it 'A' college festival is demeaning it to some extent.
So I'm going to put it this way-
It is 'The' College Festival.
Plus it is a BMM fest.
So brownie points for that.

For some other people it is the highlight of their academic year.
They start making decisions about it a year in advance and basically have nothing else to discuss until Blitz comes around, after which the sole focus of their life is to start preparing for the next Blitzkrieg.
I appreciate such people. I really do.
If it weren't for them we wouldn't have a fest at all.
I am however pleased to inform all of you that I have a life and Blitzkrieg is only occupying 1/50 of my mind space right now.
That in no way means I'm not going to work for Blitz.
I am, and whole heartedly because it sounds like way too much fun.

The only thing that was stopping was the fact that I was in a committee that was totally not working for me.
It's called the COWS committee by the way.
Before you start snickering let me tell you what the full form is.
Closing, Opening, Workshops and Seminars.
Doesn't sound so bad eh?
Well it isn't.
I worked for it last year and had quite a good time.
But this year I kept feeling so unmotivated.
At the same time I couldn't really find another committee that really works for me.

And then the Magazine Committee came along.
Could I ask for something better?
Could I?
It's so much fun to let others do all the difficult work while you just watch them, smirk and write about all of it.
It makes Blitzkrieg so much more exciting.
So from now on I stalk meetings, get updates from everyone, get the inside gossip, write funny articles, my opinion on the different events (like I'm some important journalist and my opinion really matters), have my own Fashion Page, stalk hot guys from other colleges, put all of it in a magazine that I have put my sweat and blood into, plus hold meetings and boss over my juniors.

So all I have to say is Blitzkrieg 2010 here I come :D

2009 and Me.

Since I'm feeling extremely positive this time round, I'm going to introspect a little and talk about all the things I have achieved this year. So, achieved is pushing it a bit. Let's talk about all the things that have made me proud of me.

First and foremost, I got my first paycheque. I know working for Campus Junkie doesn't really count as working, but I loved every bit of it. The best part was blowing my own cash. Hell I shopped a lot. I went about it in a very oraganised manner (Note to myself : Learn to be organised in things other than shopping as well).I made a fancy list of all the things I want to buy.  And I mamanged to buy a lot of stuff from my list. :D

I finally started teaching. I was so apprehensive in the beginning. I knew I can dance and teach well. But the prospect of addressing so many people at one time was overwhelming. I thought that my students would never like me enough to come back. Well guess what? They do. And they say pretty good stuff about me. And at this point I don't even care if I have to handle 50 students. I'm pretty sure I can do it . :)

Plus, I like how I've gotten in touch with the dancer in me. I almost can't imagine myself not dancing now. Writing is still the first love of my life. But everytime I tie that coin belt around my waist and let the music reign over my soul, it gives me a magical feeling.

Well I write more than ever before. There was a phase where I had almost stopped writing because I was too caught up in other things. I can't even relate to that phase anymore. I also wrote my first short story this year. So yay me :P

Plus, I update my blog regularly. I do have someone to thank for that (Thank you E-shade for inspiring me to start one and then updating yours regularly so I feel pretty loserish about not updating mine).

As for my Fashion Blog, not to be too dramatic or anything, but I feel like it gives meaning to my life. Some people take pictures of animals, some people take pictures of new places. The reason they do that is because they're fascinated by the subject. Well what should a girl do if fashion fascinates her more than anything? Well take pictures of the magic that pieces of clothing can create and share it with the World.

Well, I'm also really happy that this year I finally discovered how much Fashion means to me. I've always been a little crazy that way, but now I feel like it's the art form I believe in. It's such an integral part of me that I can't do away with it. So whatever I choose to do later in life, the element of fashion has to be there.

Well, I made peace with my spiritual side. Until I was 16, Religion and Spirituality had almost no meaning in my life. And when I felt the inclination towards them, a lot of things started to go upside down. I realised I had more questions than answers, and it started to affect me majorly. But as I mentioned earlier, I have understood myself further and made peace with that side of me.

I discovered I can heal people. It's a beautiful feeling you know, when you manage to ease the pain and bring a smile on someone's face. It leaves them feeling extremely positive. And believe me, that positivity is contagious.

I finally managed to heal, if you know what I mean, found the self-esteem I think I never really had and generally imbibed a very positive towards life in general.

I also lost weight :) But then again I found it in the IV.

I managed to grow my hair, but mad-O-Wot ruined it for me (Stupid salon will rot in hell).

Oh and I finally wore my pink net stockings :D (judge me and DIE)

Rajasthan <3

So I'm back :)

Bumpy bus rides.
Quarreling for the window seat.
Eventful train journeys.
Gossip sessions in the room.
Endless discussions at dinner time.
Visits to the most palatial buildings in the country.
Food that tasted like it was heaven sent.
Sand dunes that looked like they been taken right out of a movie.
Going gaga over the oxidized jewelery in the market.
Cursing camels that make you feel like you're going to fall off and tumble into the sand.
Actually tumbling into the sand.
Hotel rooms that made me feel like a princess.
Walks around the hotel in the cold, breezy night.
Making new friends.
Bonding with the old.
Eavesdropping on conversations.
Dressing up in colourful garments.
Clicking a million pictures.
Taking back a million memories.

I still don't know when the IV started and when it ended.
It pretty much seemed like an extra long day.
The kind that leaves you feeling happy for days after that.
Though I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of my trip, let me tell you what I like the most.
I liked how absolutely colourful Rajasthan is.
Shopping was such an adventure.
Whenever I go to a new place, I want to explore the local market and pick up some really interesting things to take back with me.
So I bought this really awesome pair of bandhini printed Dhoti Pants, a Dupatta and a spagetti top.
As for jewellery I went  a little crazy.
I got one of those kadas you wear on your arm, thick anklets and thick bangles.
I got a nice pair of mojris and a jhola I am absolutely obsessed with right now.
I'll put up the pictures shortly.

Well apart from that, I really like dhow I talked to a lot of people.
I used be like that in Junior College.
Always out there and socialising.
Don't know what happened to me after I left that place.
Well it feels really good to know a lot of people again. :)

My Grandparents are the best :)

I leave for my IV(Industrial Visit) this weekend. I completely forgot to tell my grandfather about it though. He's a very outdoorsy person but he obviously can't travel much. So when he gets to hear that any of us are traveling, he gets pretty excited. He also insists on giving us money, though mum and dad do that anyway.

So the two of us are sitting in his room discussing the trip when my Grandmum walks in. he asks her to go fetch his wallet. When she does, he removes the money and hands it over to me.

(The entire conversation is in Sindhi)

Granddad: Pesa ghat thee vaya ta makhe phone kajey, dad khe na.
                (If you run out of cash call me. Don't call your dad)

 Me: Chinta na kayo. (Dont worry about it.)

Granddad: Ghat thee venda ta ma tojhe tadi jo tade e-mail kare chandindam.
               (If the need be, I'll 'e-mail you the money that minute itself.)

Grandmum: (Laughing hysterically): Paisa e-mail kanda? E-mail mein ta nyapo vendo aa!
                      (You're planning to e-mail money? Don't you know, you can only send messages through
                      e-mails.)

Granddad: (Looks like he is in a fix.)

Grandmum: (After thinking for a very long time) Money order patheta sago.
                     (We can send her a money order.)

Grandad: Ho suthi idea aye. (That is a good idea.)

Grandmum: (As if hit by sudden realisation) Par money order pathe natha sago choki jestai peso vendo, ho huto hali vendi.
    (Money order is not a good idea. By the time you send her the money, she will have left the place.)

Grandad: Hane? (Now?)

Grandmum: Heeya kayo. Hunke khe hane hi double de chadyo. Problem theendo hi na.
      (Just give her double of what you just did. Problem solved!)

Then she just smiles feeling pretty smug about her superior intelligence and the fact that she knows the difference between an e-mail and a money order. My granddad in the meanwhile forces me to accept more money and won't take no for an answer.

Grandmum, Granddad, you guys are the sweetest :)
I can't I wont see them for an entire week. =(

I'm healing.

There are times you feel like you've never cried this much before.
Like no one could have possible come close to seeing this much pain.
And that the wounds inflicted upon your heart are so deep that no medicine in the world could possible heal them.

Well, guess what? You're wrong.
May be the marks will stay forever.
But the pain eventually fades and recedes into a deep, dark corner of your conciousness, never to bother you again until you want it to.
That's right.
It is in your hands.
You can hold on to it forever and mope about it.
Or you can choose to look at life with a different perspective.

My new perspective says, I don't regret anything that happened.
Every experience makes you stronger.
When you find yourself caught in the middle of the Hailstorm, you gain more than you can imagine.
You learn to be immune and you learn to be armed.
You learn to fight and survive through every hailstorm that comes your way.

And most importantly it teaches you a lot of things about life.
It taught me that my self-worth is solely in my hands.
No one deserves the right to make my self-esteem suffer.
I don't need to vie for anybody's love or affection.
I don't need anybody's approval to feel worthwhile.
Because I know I am.

Having acquired this new philosophy, I'm proud to say that I'm definitely walking on the Path of Healing.
I wake up everyday to a new me, I love and accept more than ever before.

Things I like the most about College Fests

• Lots and lots of Eye candy. You know how shady the guys in KC are? You know how deprived our eyes are of the good stuff? Don't just sit there in front of your computer screens and nod because you'll never know!
 

• No lectures!Yea that's right! No lectures. They get cancelled so as to encourage full participation.
 

• How everyone tries to look their best and dresses exceptionally well. I love all the fashion statements (and some disasters) I get to see.
 

• Unlimited Gossip. You know how BMM is filled with girls? And how most of the guys act like girls anyway? And you know what happens when people who despise each other have to work together for days? You get the point right? 

• Catfights! Need I explain why? :)

• Well lots of fab events to particpate in.
 

• Lots of Fabulous Prices as well.
 

• And freebies while the events are going on! Oh, how I love getting things I don't have to pay for!\
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• Such a great way to socialise with other colleges.

• Such a great way to watch creatures from other college in a habitat other than their own. Then make fun of them and remind yourself how much better the people from your college actually are. Believe me, everytime I see people from colleges whose names I don't want to mention here, I fall in love with every living creature from KC.

• The unlimited oppurtunitity to scream your lungs out. (Read: Cheer!)

• Actually win brownie points for that! (Can you believe the PR event depends solely on how much you can cheer for your contingent?)

• Act like ghaatis. Ever gone to shady cinemas to watch third grade Bollywood flicks? Seen the way people hoot and scream? Well fests make us behave a little bit like that. So everytime that shady guy from lets call it We-are-the-Losers College would come on stage to strut his stuff ( Mind you the guy was short. round and chose to wear sunglasses inside the audi) , E and I would start screaming things like - Abey Itam and  Hot stuff take that shirt off.
 

• And the fact that we're the best Contigent and we ALWAYS win :D Go Chacha Chaudhary!

P.S. Chacha Chaudhary was the name they gave our contigent. So don't you dare judge me for writing that!

Expectations and Lies.

When it comes to Giving, one should be able to give all that one can without expecting anything in return.
I was under the impression that I was capable of the same.
When I care about people I can go out of the way to make them happy.
It makes me happy to see the smile on their faces.
A while ago I did something for someone I care about deeply, that brought immense joy to him.
It gave me a sort of high.
I felt worthwhile because I was capable of making so much of a difference.

However, when I thought over what I had done the next day, it made me feel a little bit stupid.
Would he have done the same for me?
As if.
Would he do anything at all for me?
Once in a Blue Moon.
Would he atleast be grateful?
For a day. After that he wouldn't even remember.
So I set out to do something that was supposed to make me happy and ended up hurting myself instead.
All I wanted to say was, I want to be able to take and give back as much as I can.
I want to be able to give with my whole heart and hope for nothing in return.

Remanika's new Ad campaign

Don't you just love it?

Everything that I want from life.

The Future holds within itself many secrets that the Present will never know. But dreaming about it is just one of those things I can't help. I know that not all of it is in my hands, but that shouldn't stop me from hoping for the best.

From all the things I want from the Future, happiness tops my list. I want to be able to find happiness wherever I am, doing whatever it is that I am doing with my life.

Librans are characteristically people's persons. I want to be surrounded by positive people all the time. I want to be able to keep all the people I love very close to me and end up with the one I love the most.

There are so many things I want to do professionally. I want life to give me a chance to do all of them.

I want to be able to travel to all the places I have ever wanted to, no matter how close or how far they are, see the world for what it is, and may be even live there for a while.

I want to be able to change the world in my own way. Fight for causes that I believe in. Give a voice to the ones who have been suppressed for the longest time.

Well, I as much as I hate to admit it, I can be materialistic a lot of times. I never want to give a second thought to what I buy. I want to be able to own all the things in the world I have ever wanted to.

And I want to have a house of my own. A house that I have designed myself, combining British and Indian styles of Architecture. Contemporary is nice, but it lacks the charm and drama of the old, classic structures, which I want my house to possess.

I'm not sure how may children I want, but I want atleast one daughter and I want her to be just like me.

And I never want to retire, because I bloody love working. So I want to be able to do something I love till the very end and die knowing that I have achieved everything that I ever wanted to, fame, success, money and the title of the most stylish grandmother.

Things I learned in the Recent Past

Most girls are so insecure. No matter how pretty, intelligent or popular they are, they'll continue to be threatened by other girls.
When it comes attention, they won't want to share it with anyone. Infact they don't even want to be in the same room as a girl who commands more attention than they do.

College drama never ends. Never.

Very few people can really be happy for you. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves or how they deserve your share of happiness and success, more than you do.

There are very few people who do good without expecting anything in return.

Sometimes you chase something only to realise it isn't worth it at all. And then you want to turn back. Your head and heart are in conflict. Your head tells not to give it up. You've fought too hard for it. Your heart tells you that if it doesn't make you happy, it isn't worth it at all. Listen to your heart. At the end of the day it is happiness that matters the most.

Indian Eccentricities

Things I will never understand about my family and Indian Population in general :

• How Ghee is supposedly the ultimate source of energy.
•  
• Why the best of way treating a guest is to feed him enough to give him diarrhea.
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• Sarees and short blouses are graceful, but cropped tops are looked down upon.
•  
• How possesion of gold is the best way of determining how successful a person is.
• 
  
• How marriage is supposedly the highlight of an individual's life.
•  
• The fact that arranged marriages are source of so much pride.
•  
• So is the boy from 'Amreeka'.
• 
  
• Their definition of 'Good Family', 'Khandani Log' and 'Khaata Peeta Ghar'.
•  
• Sympathies towards, families with no sons and only daughters. They fucking have every reason to celebrate.
•  
• The need to spend life savings on their children's wedding.
• 
  
• Why the most random people have to be invited, just because they're related to you, never mind that you haven't seen them in years! In a lot of cases, never!
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• Why the Bride's dress is costs more than everybody else's dresses combined. Oh wait, that I actually do understand.
•  
• How fairness defines value in the 'marriage market'.
•  
• Why it is acceptable for men to have lost their virginity before marriage but not women.
•  
• And why is virginity so overrated in the first place? How does it define anything about an individual's character.
  

 

This happens only in Mumbai

When We Graduate....

My best friend and I live in different cities. All our plans centre around the holidays. That is the only time we have some hope of seeing each other.

Sad truth of the matter is that we may not see each other for another year and a half. That is why all out current plans center around the summer we graduate.

Materialistic bitches that we both are, it's always about the malls in the cities we want to visit than the city itself. After a year of thinking over every fancy holiday resorts and shopping destination, and pestering our parents to let us go alone, our plans decided to take the alternate route.

We decided may be we don't want to go to a fancy place and splurge or sit in a spa, while indulging in some 'rejuvenation'. May be what we really need is a spiritual journey.

About a year back, a friend of mine packed her bags and left for Hrishikesh. She lived in a beautiful ashram among highly evolved spiritual gurus and ordinary people like her, who wished to reach the pinnacle of spirituality someday. And every evening she'd walk up the Himalayas to a solitary cottage that stood among the trees of the dense forest. In that cottage lived a guru who had taken to living alone in the forest, in order to make spirituality the sole focus of her life. Everyday they'd meditate together, while the guru would relay parts of my friends life before her. Through the various exercises she'd find herself healing and letting go off the emotional baggage she has been carrying around with herself for a long time. When she came back she felt like a new person.

I have never been overtly religious. My grandparents go to places like Hrishikesh every now and then. But I never accompany them because I assume the only thing they do is bathe in the holy waters, sing bhajans and pray all the day. But ever since I heard about my friend's experience, I can't wait to go there myself. It sounds something out a Paulo Coelho novel, doesn't it?

So Summer after graduation, Hrishikesh it is! But it doesn't end here. We want to go crazy and explore every spiritual destination in the country. The Himalayas, Kerala, Whitefield, The Osho Ashram, Art of Living, you name it. No proper plans, no time contraints, no count on the money we spend. God knows if we'll ever be that carefree, so I want to make the most of it.

I know most people of my age would want to go to Goa instead, get drunk in some bar while having shirtless phirangs hit on them. Technically speaking, that's what you'd expect 20-years-olds to do. But I guess I am just a little weird that way, and I'm so glad I am so glad I know someone else who possesses the same weirdness that  I do. :)

Thirst for knowledge never dies.

You know, everybody keeps grumbling about how having to study is such a pain in the backside, how they dread exams or how they'd much rather watch twenty episodes of "Kahani Ghar Ghar Kii" back to back than look at their text books.

If I was stuck in say a Medical college or a Banking and Insurance  course, I think I'd pretty much be grumbling about the same thing. I'll never forget the days in school when I had to drag myself through pointless subject like Physics and Chemistry or the days in Junior College when I had to study Accounts. It's not that I didn't have the aptitude for it. I just lacked the interest.

Had I taken Arts, I would have loved every bit of it. And I doubt I'd have anything to grumble about. In the the same way if everybody studied something they really liked, half the problem would be solved. As of now, I am quite content lapping up all the knowledge I am getting an opportunity to, but there are many things i still want to learn.

The truth is, we eternally seek knowledge. Why else would we read books, watch movies or go through the newspaper everyday? Intellectual stimulation provides a divine satisfaction. I know it does to me. And I know that I want to bathe in that divine sort of feeling for as long as I live. Bottomline, I never want to stop learning.

It's not about you. It's about me.

One of the biggest disadvantages of being a Libran is that we're people pleasers.

It is ALWAYS about somebody else.

About going out of the way to make other people happy.

Giving up something that means a lot to you, so you can let someone else have their way.

Not rubbing your beliefs in someone else's face because it might hurt their sentiments.

Always saying the right thing and not because you are afraid of people, but because you are afraid of hurting them.

And worst of all, never ever being able to say no.

A week ago, I got an amazing oppurtunity to be a part of an Art Camp.

I've started taking courses in Colour Therapy and my Teacher seemed seemed pretty pleased with me.

She wanted to sign me up as a Student Volunteer for this camp.

Each volunteer would be assigned to assist an established artist for those two days and basically contribute to the painting.

Considering the fact that I am trying very hard to get in touch with my arty side, nothing could have been better.

But I had already made a commitment to someone else and she wouldn't let me back out.

So what do I do?

I give up the Art Camp.

How do I feel now?

Great.

I learned that people are largely selfish and always do what benefits them.

It doesn't matter to them that you sacrifice more than anyone else would to keep them happy.

So I decided from now on, I'm going to put my foot down and get my way.

From now it's not about you, you or you.

It about me.

Do you really want to live forever?

I saw Chayji lie like a baby in the hospital bed that day. She looked so shriveled up. So tiny. So weak. And so helpless.

Though her frame is petite, she has always had a decent amount of weight on her and a healthy glow on her cheeks. But that day she looked like a bag of bones. Her cheeks were so hollow, that I felt I'd cry if I looked at them one more time.  

The only thing I could see around her was pipes and pipes. Pipes that helped her drink water, pipes that fed her, pipes that helped her urinate. It was as if her whole life depended on them. 

Chayji was my grandfathers rakhi sister. She wasn't related to us by blood, but we always thought of her as an important part of our extended family.

That day she looked us helplessly, trying so hard to place our faces. She couldn't recognise any of us. She couldn't even recognise her own children.

Not that they're worth remembering anyway. She gave up her life making sure their lives were perfect. All they did was make her shuttle between different homes every now and then. None of them were willing to take up her responsibility permanently.

Even in the hospital they took turns to look after her. They knew nothing about unconditional love. Or may be they just didn't love her enough to by her side all the time.

Seeing her like this really made me like she was no different from a baby. Just as helpless. Just as dependent. She had no memories. She couldn't walk and she could barely talk.

You know, when it comes to death, we always hope we can outlive it. We're always hoping for a long life for ourselves and for people we care.But seeing lie like this made me think. Do you really want to live forever?

Anita's tears

Anita isn't someone who'd easily cry. Infact she's so strong, I draw courage from her most of the time. But that day when she cried on my shoulders, I felt my dreams crumble down with hers. I have always thought of marriage as the ultimate symbol of love. Being in a relationship is easy. You know you can walk out of it anytime. Entering into a marriage needs a lot of commitment. If a man is willing to give that to you, he really loves you.

Unfortunately, Anita belongs to the era of arranged marriages. The era in which a woman's wedding topped the priority list and was planned from the day she was born, while education, though imparted didn't even make it to that list.

Of course, right after a good proposal came in, her father without giving it a second thought gave her away in marriage. Did he ask her if she likes him? If he was the kind of boy she had always dreamed of or if she even wanted to get married then? In that era girls were never asked.

So Anita went away to her new house. On the outside it was all perfect right. Big House. A husband who looks decent and earns pretty well. Promise of a honeymoon to a foreign land. And of course many more luxuries to come. Well even the man she married was pretty nice. May be he spoke a little too much and seemed a little immature at times. But as they say 'he had a good heart'.

But is all of that enough for a happy marriage? Can the luxuries keep you satisfied? Can you truly be happy with a person you can barely connect with, no matter how nice he is?

Marriage calls for a lot of sacrifice. When two people completely different in more ways than one, take an oath to be a part of each other's lives until death does them apart, there are lot of adjustments to be done. There is need of understanding and need of adapting. Anita, of course belonged to the era in which women had no option but to comply. I can't say the same about her husband though. He didn't make an attempt to understand her or her family, or the small things that made a big difference to her.

But I guess it is always the small things that ruin relationships. I don't know what it is that he said or did, but when she cried that day, I knew that he had blown the last straw. She cried like one who had lost all hope in life. And the emptiness in her eyes, broke my heart.

As far as tears go, I classify them as 'tears of sadness' and 'tears of hopelessness'. Sometimes I cry to release the pent up emotions. 'Tears of sadness' as I said. And then there are times that my tears tear me apart. I feel like I'm so down, nothing could get me up. Life suddenly seems so glum that, even the brightest of things fail to bring joy. And those are the tears I classify as 'tears of hopelessness'.  

That was precisely how Anita cried. If Anita lived my life, a few minutes after the heart-wrenching sobs would have taken over her body, her phone would ring, a friend would fill her in with gossip and so many random details of the day that for a while she'd be totally distracted. And then she'd be suddenly reminded of a party she has to attend or an assignment she has to complete and her focus would be shifted almost completely. Even if the one thing that bothered her the most wasn't the solved, the many distractions would have made sure the problem was far away from her.

But Anita was forty something. She didn't have a job. She didn't even have a degree. She was six months away from becoming a lawyer when she became a wife. And Anita belonged to the era in which women didn't complete their degrees once they were married. She had two children. Both of them were too involved in their lives to care about her. She had no dreams that were soon to be materialised, no degrees to be completed, no parties to attend, no assignments to finish. All she had was her husband and a marriage that was based on incompatibility that grew every day. 

She belonged to the era in which women didn't leave their husbands, unless the man was a wife beater or a womaniser. Women didn't attend social social events without their husbands. To think that she'd have the courage to strike out on her own was an impossible thought. To think that may be she'd try to seek true love was pushing it too far.

Everytime the sound of her sobs, rings in my head, I think about all the things she deserves, but never got, All the love that was meant to be hers, but never found her and probably never will and how she will be reminded of that each and everyday for as long as she lives. 

As for me, I wish each and everyday I could do something for her, but the truth is, I am just a nineteen year old girl, who harbours the hope that someday with that perfect marriage, I'll watch my life magically transform. And once again the sound of the sobs rise from my subconcious and I wonder if I'm naive or simply delusional.

 

Diwali Greetings to All :)

While I'm not really a big fan of the 'Festival of Lights' and all the damage it causes to the environment, it's that auspicious time of the year and I'm just going to focus on the positives and leave the negatives for another time of the year :)

Here's a list of things I love about Diwali

• Love how I get invited to fancy lunches and dinners everyday
• Love how the house is so full of sweets, there is no place to walk
• Love how I get to wear unreasonable amounts of bling
  
• Love how the streets are all beautiful and lit up
• But what i love the most is how it makes me :)
  

Art and what it means to me

I was sitting in Candies before my exams pretending to study when this couple comes and sits in the table next to us. Delighted at the sudden distraction, i started eavesdropping on their conversation. I'm such a compulsive eavesdropper you know. I love listening to things I'm not supposed to listen to and switch off when I'm actually supposed to listen and absorb. The thrills of the 'Forbidden fruit' I tell you.
Coming back to the point. I was going to tell you what they were talking about and how it affected me. Well the word painting and art seemed to be omnipresent in their conversation. "I sold my painting for 20,000." "His parents wanted so badly to buy my new painting". "Sometimes I feel like I'm possessed. I sit all day working on my painting. And then there are times I can't look at my canvas for days."
It wasn't very hard to relate to what they were talking about. Even as a writer you feel pretty much the same way. But that wasn't why the conversation had an impact on me. It filled me with a sense of nostalgia for the world of colours, paintbrushes, messy hands and beautiful pictures. It took me back to the days when Art actually had some meaning in my life.
From the days in pre-school when I got a chalk-board to draw a picture accompanying the word I was learning, or the days in 7th grade when I tried so hard to make sure my paintings made it to the School board, or the day before my intermediate exam when I refused to sleep because I wanted to practice everything I could get my hands on. My notebooks are a living testimony to all my artwork. They contained less study material and more sketches. Infact the text books didn't escape the attack of the sketches either.
So here I am, years after I said goodbye to an important part of me, making a resolution that no matter what happens I am going to get that old box of poster paints out and sign up for canvas painting lessons before the end of next year! :)

Happy birthday!

No I'm not starting this blog with a post about how someone else should have an awesome birthday and how much they mean to me.
I'm not that kind really.
I am however going to wish myself, because it was my birthday yesterday...
So well happy birthday to me :)

And again I'm not going to make a list of all the things I can do to save the world, conserve water or save the girl child. Which of course at some point of time in my life I want to, but now I'm just going to be a little selfish and list all the things I want.

• Rajat Kapoor. Judge me and die.
• DevD. This really cute professor I had this semester. He had overgrown hair, which he'd ruffle every now and then while explaining something. And he'd come up with the most random theories about space and time. He 'd tell us how he blames Body Shop for the increasing number of terrorists! And other such absurd things. But he's a cutie and he'd make the perfect birthday present.
  
• Farhaaaan. *heart goes flip-flop*
• Pink skyscraper heels. Because every list is incomplete without pink. =)
• Black Stilettos with diamonds. Not the real ones. I am not that greedy. YET. :)
• Gladiatorssss. Well semi gladiators actually. Tan coloured and all. Yea I know I should shut up about shoes already.
  
• Pink Curtains for my bed. (I have a princess bed) =D
• A contemporary looking lampshade for the room.
• Lots and lots of wall painting to put up on the newly painted wall.
  
• May be a nice wall hanging as well.
• Loads of nice scented candles.
• Oh and a nice body mist from Body Shop.
  
• A new Diary!
• 365 days of endless fun.

So my list is pretty short isn't it? Wow, I must be improving. Happy 19 to me again. =D