Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Terrorists, Feminists, maggi and other things!

My brother thinks I would make an awesome terrorist. Or I’m secretly one and I haven’t told them yet.
Every time I make him study, he literally pees in his pants.  I scream loud enough for my relatives on the other side of town to hear me. In my defence, his important- information retention capacity is less than mine. Will to daydream?  Far greater. Results?  Disastrous!
Apart from his I-will-remember-just-one-line-from-a-one page-answer attitude, his love for all things made of maida puts me off. Why eat white bread and Maggi, when you can have whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta instead? Apparently, he doesn’t think so. He continues to consume slices after slices of bread loaded with cheese. His daily diet involves literally inhaling bowls of Maggi. At odd hours of the day, that too. Result? More screaming, hair pulling and name calling.
One of my uncles took a Korean wife. The woman makes me respect Korean culture. Every time she has to enthuse her tiny two-year old daughter about something, she screams, ‘Womens’ liberation’ and the delighted daughter throws her hands up and starts jumping immediately. Now the Feminist that I am, this practice has left me absolutely fascinated.  I’m inspired to instil the same value in my children.
This of course, makes my maida-loving brother think I am creepier than I actually am. He swore to my mum the other day that he won’t let his kids get anywhere close to me. For one, he didn’t want his kids screaming ‘Women’s Liberation’ at random intervals. Secondly, he didn’t want them to be deprived of the pleasures of digging into a bowl of Maggi.
Do you know what that means? I will be deprived of a chance to instil my deep rooted values in the minds of little children who have descended from the same blood line as I have. Generations after them will be brought up without the knowledge that women infact are the superior sex! My only hope is that another revolutionary in the family will be born. She will change the way the entire family thinks and complete the mission I was sent here to start!
Getting back to my brother, he had another amusing thing to say. He’d like to keep his children away from mine. He also intends to train them in Martial Arts, lest they ever have to deal with me. So on the rare occasions that his kids just have to meet mine, their conversation will be like this.
His kids: We know kung-fu, Karate and Tai chi!
My kids: We’re Karishma’s kids.
His kids: *Run away screaming*
And that is how the story ends.

25 comments:

Somak said...

This is hilarious, specially the last part.
But how exactly do you plan on getting such a fearsome reputation?

Nicole said...

I like this. I really do. Am joining team Karishma. *Go Karishma*

- Sugar Cube - said...

lol haha! :) Loved this post.
And the last part is so freaking cool :D

oRange* said...

Goooo Karishmaaa! I'm rooting for THE Karishma! :P

And I understand your dilemma, I do. I'll pray for you. Promise.

The Bald Guy said...

I second Nicole.

I'm on your side.

But can you make kids go "Yay Baldie!" for me?

Ally said...

Hey! Hello! hi! well..err.. okay, so I like it here =p

Shruti said...

Yes, the time has come to declare that....I love your blog.:D.

tin girl said...

Radical feminist at work I see.
Bwah. Not that I'm not all for kicking chauvinists balls off, but feminisim can get kinda pesky at times. Oh, and about the maggi? Like really? you're prob the only person i've heard of who prefers whole wheat pasta. Heh.
Ooh anyway. I'd like to ask you something since you're into fashion and stuff. I LOVE designing clothes, and if i say so myself, am pretty darn good at it. You know, i'm actually considering a career in Fashion designing, so I could use all the help I get. Mayybe you could give me a clue from what to do here on? This comment is gettin' waay too long so maybe if you could add me somewhere or whatever, if its cool with you. Lemme know. =]

Lavender said...

@Somak: Lol! Well, I'm bossing over him all the time. *does a mean sister laugh*

@Nicole: *Screams* I love new members :D

@Sugar Cube: ThankU!

@Orange: Yayie! :D :P

Lavender said...

@Bald Guy: Yay Baldie it is :D

@Ally: Thank you Lady!

@Shruti: *Grins from ear to ear*

@Tin Girl: Atta noodles it is!
And there's no such thing as a long comment. You can write me a letter if you want :P
I'll leave my Gmail id as a comment on your Blog :)

Parinita said...

HEY! I live on Maggi. And you know what else? I mix cheese with my Maggi. And I eat it. Regularly. So there!

Shreya said...

Do i HAVE TO even go hahahahahah to prove to you that am all laughing and rolling ?? :D you KNOW i am!!!!!!!!

Women's Liberation! Haiyaaa! ahhahahah arre this 'could' be ATA's slogan....am a genius, i know that :P


You got a brother and i dint know!!?!?!? just just just a wish to God...he should'v been the elder one....or is he?? then, you know what plans i would have no itam?? :D *hopes something like '13 going on 30' happens to brother-itam* :P

Lavender said...

brother bees younger :(
My one shot at getting such an itam sis-in-law.
Alas!

And slogan, of course, my approval on that is not even needed! =D

uglyduckling91 said...

YOU'RE EVIL!
Why make you brother study like that? :(

Weirdo guy said...

mehhh ... what's with the hatred for maggi ?

dont hate the food nigga.. hate the playa(eater) !




P.S you have a korean aunt ?? how cool is THAT !

suruchi said...

Awww…so cute…
I almost imagined you there as a ninja warrior of sorts…
Though a sexy one…so it suited u…
Loved the subtle humour content:-)

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

*Rolling on the floor laughing*
Hilarious!!!
i loved every word lol!!

magiceye said...

lol! that was hilarious!

Miss Sunshine said...

korean aunt so cool =))
hehe, it was very funny to read your thoughts :D

Thousif Raza said...

thats was really cool... i liked the inhaling wala part.... u know maggi and boyz have a real queer combination.... i think its combined with our dna's ;).... nice post yaar....

kabhi hamara blog bhi visit kiya karo ;), i dont write that bad ;)

take care and keep writing.......

Jack said...

Lavender,

Kindly let me speak to your brother so I can give him tips to have upper hand. LOL. Didi with heart of gold looking for better future of her younger sibling.

Take care

Illusory said...

I'm kinda new here, and I'm loving it ! :D Very hilarious !

K-ay said...

@Illusory: yay! Thank you :)

@jack: Whose side are you on? Lol.

@Thousif: I will! Today =)

@ Miss Sunshine: ThankYou lady!

K-ay said...

@Suruchi: Ninja Warrior? Rofl!

@Harini: hehe yay!

@Weirdo: Very cool it is!

@Ugly Duckling: Well that I am :P

"just a pen in my hand" said...

ur expression of thoughts is gr8 !