Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What not to do when walking down the road.

Hello lovely people,

It is amazing how the urge to blog is so strong when all I should be doing is burying my nose in my books and forgetting that there is a World that exists outside of where I live. Since this two track mind of mine chooses to do nothing more productive than daydream about what to eat in the next break or what to buy on the next shopping expedition, which as you know is the most integral part of my life, I’ve decided to shut my books and do something more productive with my life. They say there is no greater joy that the joy of sharing knowledge. Certain experiences in life have opened my eyes. And today, my dear readers, I am going to give to share with you the knowledge of ‘What not to do when waking on the road!’

Bursting into song while walking may not be the best thing to do if you’re walking with a friend. They will stop in their tracks, turn around and walk away so fast that you will left alone singing to yourself. And you know what that makes you? A loony!

If your daily adventures involve screaming ‘Aaaaaaaaaaa’ while crossing the road, as if you are having a near death experience, the results are worse. Your friends will swear by every idol in the temple, that they will henceforth never be seen with you in public.

If the sheer joy of bumping into a friend you haven’t seen in twenty four hours, makes you want to run towards them and scream ‘itaaaaam’, you must learn to exercise self control. The Rajus, Munnas and even Harilals on the pathway assume you’re screaming out them and start blushing almost instantaneously as they hand comb their hair in the rare view mirror of the nearest car.

Apparently, singing songs like ‘Billo Rani’ and ‘Kajra Re’ produce similar results.

If you have the irresistible urge to break into dance and you know you’re going to be disowned as you were, for singing out loud, always remember you live in a country where dancing on the streets is as commonplace men peeing on the railway tracks. If it’s not Ganesh Chaturty or Navratri, then it’s surely got to be somebody’s wedding day. What’s better than to join a crazy bunch of baraatis as they set the streets on fire? And while you’re at it, please, please don’t forget it’s an Indian wedding; nobody needs to know who you are because they will assume you belong to the other side. So make sure you attend the wedding as well and fill your plates with piles and piles of food before hitting the dessert counter.

Clicking pictures on the road is alright. Finding absurd locations like dampened walls and ancient looking buildings and then posing against them as if you were doing a photoshoot for Harper’s Bazaar is not. The kids on the street come running towards you, and surround you as if a real shoot is going on. Before you know, the tinier ones will be crawling up the photographer’s legs in an attempt to get his attention and convince him to take their pictures. Never mind that he is probably using the most obsolete digital camera that exists.

While indulging in acts of dog calling (male version of cat calling) refrain from screaming out lines like ‘kya maal hai’ by merely seeing the back of an ‘object’ (as I would like to refer to them). Sometimes, as these objects turn, the frontal view might shock you beyond belief.

And as I complete this very meaningful blogpost, I feel rather smug about having shared the kind of life changing experiences that nobody on blog spot has ever shared. Ever.

Now you can go to the comments section of this post and share with me how these words of wisdom have made a significant difference in your lives.


Somak said...

Rather useful I must say.
I totally agree with not going by just the back side of 'objects'. It has happened that I saw the backside of one such person and muttered, "Man, she's hot", and when she turned around I was like "Oh my GOD, I'm going to be blind!" :D

Just one thing to add to your list, suddenly starting an animated conversation on the phone is also very annoying and makes the other persons wish you'd get run over already. :)


Lavender said...

Haha! Yes. Except, if you're trying to get rid of the person, it seems like a fun thing to do no? :)

Somak said...

Yes, like push that fellow towards a speeding car! Wicked thought

Shreya said...

Dog calling Eh???? *blushes at the mention of THAT* :P

Oh oh the road crossing one, dont kid about that ya, people got serious issues :/

Weirdo guy said...

"dancing on the streets is as commonplace men peeing on the railway tracks. If it’s not Ganesh Chaturty or Navratri, then it’s surely got to be somebody’s wedding day."

may i add a footnote that if you are here down south people also dance at funerals while taking the body to the cremation ground/cemetery.

i know i know....dont ask -_-

malpani.!! said...

Bursting into a song.. or even performing a famous dance step related to the song u are listening.. while walking on the road..
or playing an invisible guitar are some things i cant resist..!!

Lavender said...

@Somak: haha yea!

@Malpani: Dude we should walk together more often!

@Weirdo: Good Lord!

@Shreya: Don't you likeys the new vocabulary? :D

Jack said...


True, no one has shared such GEMS before. Difficult to type with chuckling at the same time. Keep sharing more.

Take care

oRange* said...

YOU, it's YOU my love who imparts such INTENSE stuff through this pwetty blog of yours ..not me!

you got majha mail btw?

Lavender said...

@Orange: Haha! And yes, tumchya mail sits happily in my eeenbox. Will reply when I get home on the evening.


Nicole said...

I thought I was the only weirdo doing all that 'retarted' stuff. Thank goodness am not the only one.
Btw dancing and singing on the road? I do that quite a lot and I think mom feels like disowning me everytime I do that. :(

Shreya said...

i laaavies the new new vocabulary...we must update man we must !!!

Lavender said...

@Nicole: then you're my street dancing soulmate. Get here asap so we can do what we were sent here to do!

clueless said...

Hey there Lavender! Thanks for dropping by :)
And thanks for the truckload of comments!
Do come back once in a while :)

By the way, "cinnamon sunshine"?

« ♥ Shona™ ♫ » said...

Wow! Seriously I thought i was ze only One who actually sang and danced on the road! Mommy's going always "Behave yourself!" LOL! hahah!! Awesome post!! Fun!! :) :)

Thousif Raza said...

i loved the dog calling wala comment ;) and yeah girl you are having fun all rgt, what kind off, i dont know ;), but some times, yeah we all feel the urge, glad that you are letting it *out* ;)

take care and keep writing...........

malpani.!! said...

good now that u said it..
i play the invisible guitar.. u play the invisible drums..
decide the song..!! now .. lets walk..lol..

thanks for commenting.. :p

Rishi said...

few more unpossibles for street walkers...

do not moon-walk

do not fall asleep while walking

If ur "walkin n talking" look sideways for my car and don't come under it and die

A Crooked Smile

Pavitra .... said...

Hehe...Loved the post!!
I'll keep this in mind... :D
Loved it....especially the road crossing one!

Lavender said...

@Malpani: sounds like plan :D

@Rishi: if you run me over, you will have one less follower! Do you want that now? Ha? Ha?

@Pavitra: lol. ThankYou :D

Parinita said...

*_* Through this post, you ... you ... you've touched the very essence of my soul *holds back tear*