Thursday, March 18, 2010

Because I belong here.

The past two years have been a journey of sorts.
Miracles happen.
Sometimes even when you don't believe in them.
Mass media is something I've wanted to since I was 14.
At every stage in your life, you look at those above you and imagine living a life like theirs.
I'd look at the Xaviers' kids below my house in their kurtas, jholas and unruly hair and I just knew they belonged to BMM.
I couldn't wait to get to college, because I wanted my life to be just like theirs.

Sometimes, I still wake up in the morning feeling awestruck.
And rather happy.
As it turns out, my life is just the way I wanted it to be.
So I'm not your regular kurta and jhola girl.
I'm more of the kurta, jhola with a million blinding accessories girl.
But I love every bit of who I am and what I do.
I love every bit of what I see.
I love every bit of what I learn and I'm not even talking about the academics here.

Well, I am feeling particularly optimistic today.
But I'd be lying if I said there has not been a day when I've wanted to throw this life away and go off to another place.
A few projects have been sheer torture.
There have been days when sleep is a far off dream.
There have been times when I have had to work for hours on an end with some of the most uncooperative people you will ever meet.
I've also been manipulated and watched people grab the spotlight for something I spent hours on.

My first semester hasn't exactly been the sort of experience I'd want to gush about.
New place, new people, meaningless conversations and polite laughs.
It's an awful feeling to have to drag your feet every morning to a place you so despise.

But none of it matters anymore.
The memories I have of the semesters after the first, have more than made up for it.
I've had a chance to explore issues I care so deeply about.
I've had a chance to learn things about myself, I can't imagine my life without.

And I've  met some great people.
The sort who I can look at when somebody stands up and says the most amusing words and share a stifled laugh.
The sort who get my totally ridiculous sense of humour and choose not to judge me for it.
The kind who'd listen to me rant endlessly about things they can't even bothered about.
All that really matters at the end of the day, is that I finally feel like I belong here.
And I look forward to every day because I know it's going to be better than the one that's gone.


Nicole said...

I can totally relate with every single word you wrote. I still remember when I was eleven I wanted to be a journalist. It was like a game..I remember spending hours doing research, writing, editing like crazy. Sadly its now a thing of the past. I realised am more into advertising and for me, just like you, the first year marketing was really tough. People knew how to manipulate me, take the spotlight and also humiliate me. Thank goodness that phase is over. And even though second year was so much better am happy am leaving this place. Life is afterall all about learning and moving on...right?

Shreya said...

whatte blog itam whatte blog post :P

Thanks for calling us Xavierites all cool and jhola kinds *gushes*, BUT even we BA people are cool ya, cooler infact at Xav :P offended i am.

and and and you need MORE people to share a stifled laughter with you over intelligent bullshit thats usually being spoken? I I I am here *raises a hand and frantically tries to be noticed by itam*

Lavender said...

@Nicole: I know exactly what you mean. I'm so glad it's all good for you now. but i don't think you should say that journalism is a thing of the past. no matter which field u decide to take up, your writing skills will always help you!

@Shre: Dude all the jhola people from Xaviers are the coolness. *Points at a tiny jhola girl who wants to be bean bag*
And I'm not even saying it coz i want to make u happy :P

P.S.Oh and laughter sharing relationship was established from day one :D

Pri said...

i can relate to this in ways more than one :)

Thousif Raza said...

at most of the time i could voice the exact same opinion as you , you know, except the accessories part ;)

you have shown the exact meaning of, how and what, an awesome life is all about, it comes with its pros and cons, you just have to know how to deal with it... nice going girl... :)

take care and keep writing..........

Vagabond said...

i loved the layout!!!

Weirdo guy said...


what happened to the old layout and theme ??


Jack said...


Wish you all the best to achieve what you wish for. Journalism is a very responsible vocation and it needs a lot of courage to ward off pressures to keep quiet about things which ought to be exposed. With your attitude, I am sure you will do well.

Take care

Somak said...

Well I totally get what you mean. Being a student of mass media myself I can relate all to well to what you said about the projects and the spotlight grabbing all around, and its also difficult finding friends who are in it just for the friendship and not for personal gains.


BTW, I'm a student of St. Xavier's, Kolkata, which Xavier's are you talking about?

Ajay said...


You know I feel blessed, blessed to have a little sense of observation, a little power of imagination, and a little hope of beautiful life and when I read this, I know you have all these as well.

So many times, things happening right in front of our eyes, makes us see so much more.

The mayhem, the chaos, the unbelievable self indulgence, the hypocrisy, all of these and many more are so ubiquitous... They at times do get to our nerves but in the end an innocent smile, a cool shower, a beautiful fragrance, a classical melody, a caring shoulder and a loving hand is what makes our life.

God Bless!

Lavender said...

@Ajay: Thanks so much for your lovely comment :) And yes I know what you mean. concentrate on the finer things. Life suddenly seems so much better!

@Somak: So true! I'm talking about the Xavier's in bbay though :)

Lavender said...

@vagabond: ThankYou!

@Thousif: Hehe yes! and thanks :)

Lavender said...

@Jack; Thankyou so much Sir!
Your advice means a lot.

@weirdo: I'm taking a break from colours, let me!!

Somak said...

Cool. So what course are you doing exactly? How far along are you in that course?

Somak said...

Oh and do follow my blog as well.

Lavender said...

Bachelor of Mass media. Second year :)
And I will. Asap :)

« ♥ Shona™ ♫ » said...

I am so looking at Journalism!! I so wannabe a journalist!! :) Yaay!! I loved this post!

Rishi said...

hmmm... nothing worth havin ever comes easy ...
all da bestest for da torture... err.. future

A Crooked Smile