Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sell your soul for favourite quotes!

You know those shady love stories where you chase somebody for sooooo long and realise when you're taking saat pheras around the fire that you are actually in love with your best friend, who's cat also treats you like a part of the family. Yes *that* friend who's been around for so long that you can't even remember what life was like without him. And then you turn around one-eighty degrees, make a dramatic exit from your own wedding, red saree flowing, strands of hair flying, gold jewellery clanking, while the band-baja wala suddenly stops playing the shehnai. All the people stand up and look at you pretending to be surprised while they're actually wondering, 'Omg does the bride's exit mean, we get absolutely no free food?'

But that is not the point of this story. What happens is that right after the bride goes running out she gets into the first cab she finds and tells the cabbie to take her to the airport/ bus stop/ station where her best friend (secretly her lover) is leaving for a fake trip to Ghaziabad/ Ambala/ Tiruchirapalli to set up a papad factory. Just when the train arrives he sees her running dramatically towards him. He throws his bag and runs towards her in slow motion. In the next scene they're siting by the same fire, with the same pandit, the same psychobabble, and the same red saree (What a cheapskate the director is). The only different thing is that, there are no guests in this wedding. They already ate free food at the previous one. So they're basically not invited. 

Aye! Shady guests are trying to get crash this blog post again! Getting to the point.The favourite quotes section on Facebook has always been around, looking at me lovingly, affectionately and patiently, while I shamelessly ignored it and flirted with every other application there was. Now that I have rediscovered it's awesomeness, I'm taking this relationship to a whole new level.

I may sound uber cool as I throw phrases like 'a whole new level', but truth be told it is just another phrase for stalkerishness. Let me explain a typical conversation between me and my friend Parinita, from Improper Conduct (we have just entered into an It's complicated relationship on FB, btw).

Me: <Psychobabble at it's best>
Me: Favourite quotes? ^_^

Didn't get eeeet? Haw :O Let me explain.
Basically for every funny thing I say, I torture her to put it up in her favourite quotes section.
Currently, the success rate is 2 to 1,00,000. Yes, that funny and thaaaaat stalkerish I am.

Anywaaaaaay, so we're both walking to the station today and we're making a list of tacky things to do on my birthday (next blog post that =D ), so I suggest that we sit on the footpath and take shots. Every shot should be followed by a very tacky secret. Then I go on to explain with an example.

Me: Saaaay, when I was ten or something, I thought Suniel Shetty was hot. For a day.
Pari: Hahahahaha! Don't tell anyone my tacky secret.
Me: What? What? What?
Pari: When I was a kid, I thought Jitendra was hot! (And I laugh as I type this!)
Me: If and when I find you an item, I will ask him to dress in all white and ask you out! I will also get him to play a tacky Jitendra film song in the background!

When I told her about my very tacky secret, part of me was relieved because I finally got it out. Another part of me regretted it deeply. For once, *she* screamed 'favourite quotes!' and I wasn't sure if I wanted the world to know this about me. On the other hand, with my new found commitment to the favourite quotes section, it seemed stupid to let this opportunity go to waste. I was torn.

I decided to put my love interest first. Who cares what the world thinks when he is by my side? The quote must go up!

I was super worried she would change her mind by the time she got home. So I took control of the situation.

Enter: Reverse Psychology.

Me: You *cannot* put this up!
Pari: I *so* can!
Me: Pari, I will *die* of embarassment.
Pari: Yea, that is the point!!
Me: No, Pari, No!
Pari: Yes! Yes! Yes!

My plan worked like magic. By the time I came home, there I was, smiling back at me from her favourite quotes. That didn't make any sense, no? Well, as long as you know what I'm trying to say, you grammar whore!

Aaaaanyway, the point is, I am made of awesome and there is no denying that.

To explain this further, I'd like to cite another example.
I was talking to Pranav from For The Wine, yesterday and we were discussing our college festival and all the drama that comes with it.

Me: And N was telling me that M thinks, the fest is her pitajee ka property!
P: Haha! Yes, I've hearing the same thing over and over again.
Me: I was very offended when I heard that.
P: Ouch. Why?
Me: Chauvinism has sunk to every level! Why can't the fest be Matajee ka property?!
P: Hahahahahaha!
Me: Favourite quotes!

And awesomeness that he is, actually went and put my quote up there! Two three tear drops came rolling down my eyes.

Anywaaay, speaking of coolness, awesomeness, (insert 4-5 synonyms here), Parinita and I decided to tell you only half the truth! We conveniently changed some of our quotes to make them a little cooler than they sounded then.

Pari: Wait that didn't sound right!
Me: Oh yea!
Pari: (thinking deeply)
Me: Here's an idea.
Pari: Say say say!
Me: Let's rig our favourite quotes!
Pari: Hahaha! I'm not putting that up but!


Anonymous said...

Papad. 2-3 tears. 4-5 quotes. I am tempted to be racist here. kthxbai.

Parinita said...

I love this post so much that I want to marry it. And not just because of all the mileage I got. And listen your first para I loved too much only because it's my secret dream to run away from my wedding and marry someone else. Height of romance only. ALSO I DIDN'T THINK JEETENDRA WAS HOT!

(I thought he was cute)

Shreya said...


The wedding sequence :D i can picture myself doing all that awesome bakwaas :D

I loooooove you guys so much. though i must say i miss being THERE *this* much :( Damn.

Shit you KNOW how funny I think this post is :D

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

LOL!! So funny!!! I loved the shaadi part *this* much
and the rest of the post too! lol!

suruchi said...

hey...super funny beginning n wow...u guys have so much fun talking like that...
and that's a very good friend..keep her close always:-)

malpani.!! said...

lol.. seriously?.. i mean that twisted? haha..
i would love to know all ur favorite quotes sometime..
u knw.. i have this huge part of my brain.. where i put in all those senti forwarded msgs and life quotes and philosophical thoughts and even a few pick up lines..:p and use it at the best possible situations..u should see the reaction i get from my frnds.. :p
nice post..!! u two make quite a couple :p

Sonshu said...

omg. I love the way you write! :) it keeps me wanting to know whats next type! :D hehehe! LOVED THE POST! :)

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

Seriously a funny read.. Sunil Shetty and Jitendra.. I guess even they thmeselves liked themselves.. lol...

Bloghopped from harini's..she has a high opinion about you..nice to see you deserve that...

keep writing.. will keep reading...

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

oh btw.. belated wishes for your birthday...

Goddess of Nonsense said...

@Eric: Gooo Sindhiness!

@Para: Oh yeaa? Then why do you google pictures of him when nobody is looking?

@Shre: I doooo tooo!

@daydreamer: Glad to hear that!

@sonshu: Thankyou Hun!

@suruchi: I willl!

@malpani: Oh I have plenty =D