Sunday, July 4, 2010

How to feel less dumpy 101

Dear ______(Insert favourite dessert here),
   Since, it's a Sunday afternoon and I don't particularly have any brunches or wine and cheese parties to attend. Detoxification and all that. Or the fact that I *never* get invited to one of those. I am going to sit here and share some very important gyaan with you. A dear friend of mine mailed me about about how she felt down in the dumps. Now, I am almost always trying to make my life sounds as awesome as I can possibly can. But I must admit, this dump-ey feeling hasn't spared me either. So before I reply to her mail, I dedicate this post to everybody who has absolutely worthless. Presenting how to feel less dump-ey 101.

Rule no #1. Chocolate is the God of foods. Depression always leads to emotional eating. Which leads to a not so attractive belly. Which further leads finding, a not attractive at all boy-frand! So find that piece of heaven. Preferable a dark chocolate one. You know, lesser calories and all of that. And promise yourself that one bar is *all* it takes.

Rule no #2. Yeh Rishtaaa kya kehlaaaa-taa hai! Heard that before? Vaguely? Indian soaps are the bestest no? Plop into the sofa, give your grandmommy company and prepare to be thoroughly entertained. When the the lead actress, acts( I use the term very loosely) oh-so-dramatic and voices her opinion on how she worries about women who don't wear sindhoors and mangal sutras, your problem will seem trivial!

Rule no #3. Open your eyes to technicoloured dreams. And this how I subtly do the PR for my blog. Ok fine, that was a shady one! Getting back to anti-dumpey-ness. Colours are therapeutic. They are mood uplifters. They are make the world as beautiful as it is. So that pair of cream shorts and grey sweatshirt goes where it belongs. The wastebin! Find the prettiest, most colourful dress. Match it with a super dhinchak pair of ballerinas. Watch that grin becoming bigger and bigger. I'm not sure guys should try this though. Govinda look alikes are not my type. Or anybody's type for that matter.

Rule no#4. Sales, freebies and discounts. The thrill of paying less for the same amount of stuff. Priceless! Go to the nearest mall, ask the salesperson, 'discount kis par milega' and voila! Happiness has been found.

Rule no#5. Google is God. My awesome friend Shreya from 'Such a Cow' has a thing for this Australian cricketers. I wont tell you his name because I'm frankly too cool to remember. But she googles his name every now and then to check out hot pictures, the world wide web has to offer. And when she is tired of leching at his images, she starts googling random phirangs. That girl, I tell you! Anyway, since sweat-soaked sportsmen are not my type, I urge to search images of Rajat Kapoor instead. *hearts skips a beat* Ain't I dramatic?

Rule no#6. It's time to be booty-ful. While Google is the God of pictures, Youtube is the God of videos. When I feel dumpey, I type two magical words- belly and dance. What follows is an hour long session of mirror entertainment. The sort that would earn me coins and coins in dollars and pounds. So I suggest you you google your favourite dance form and move to the awesome beats. If you are just not as gifted as I am, ganpati-visarjan dance videos are plenty. There is hope for everybody in this world.

Rule no#7. K-ay is awesome. Well everybody on blogspot seems to be talking about how awesome they are. I do not want to be left out in this race. I'd like to leave you with perhaps the most important rule. Keep visiting my blog every now and then. The gyaan you will find here will help you counteract all your grumpiness and dumpiness!

Until, cheesy lines continue to be the source of my inspiration!



Shreya said...

hahhaahahhahahaahahahaha and i shall continue to laugh like a ...what did you say that day? hyena :D

K-aaaaaaaaaaay! you are too awesome for awesome words!

You mentionzz me sooo many times i want to CRY :D

Thewastebin :D

AND, he bees Michael Clarke :| want to attend my wedding no? then have to remember groom's name :|

I lou you so much i end up laughing :D

Pavitra .... said...

Hahaha...Lovely post!!
Less dumpy, it is! Made me feel great!

K-ay said...

@pavitra: I'm so glad it did!

@Shreeee: You bees my awesome wastebin no? Besides I promised I would give you footage!

And you're getting married to Clarkeeeeee? Raight! :P

Weirdo guy said...

@ Rule number 6

why have i NOT seen you do any of those ?? Videos. ASAP !

P.S lets not leave this one to the imagination shall we ?

P.P.S K-ay or lavy poo is THE best ! Ah i be the luckiest hubby !

P.P.S you drool over rajat kapoor ?? *gasp* on second thoughts i may NOT be the luckiest hubby .. waaa !


frangipani said...

daddy stop flirting online. mommy stop the PR n self praise.mommy
'Dear ______(Insert favourite dessert here)' atleast attempt to control ur thoughts. call daddy by that name n u'll get a 'diamond.' Profit no?